Berrynose's Diary
by Lilystorm11
Summary: A pink sparkly journal has been discovered under a strange moss nest. After careful DNA testing, and looking inside the cover scientist have discovered that this diary belonged to Berrynose. So they posted it on this site, sharing all his secrets. :
1. Berrynose's Stress

**Hello! I have discovered Berrynose's diary, and felt it was my duty to share it with the world. **

Dear Diary,

Today I have been feeling extremely stressed, and my usual method of clawing stuff to bits has not been working. My wife

Poppyfrost suggested I wrote stuff down in this pink sparkly diary. I love pink. Here are the possible reasons I could be

stressed.

* * *

I have a shockingly over protective mother who has spent her whole life in a nursery.

I had most of my tail chopped off as a kit.

I got the deputy as my mentor, causing extreme pressure on me to be the best.

I had a pretty girlfriend, but she got killed by a snake saving a cat that was later paralyzed and could not be a warrior.

My dead girlfriend's sister falls in love with me and starts stalking me until I married her.

My new wife starts becoming depressed because she realizes that she totally betrayed her dead sister.

I have two kits, but they both have weird names, Cherrypaw and Molepaw. They don't grow cherries around here, and the

clan doesn't eat moles, we eat voles. My wife was a little delusional when she named them.

* * *

Wow. No wonder why I'm stressed. But it's all ok, because it's me, Berrynose! And I am awesome. Poppyfrost, stop reading

over my shoulder and shaking your head. Get your own diary. Oww, that hurts! Sorry, Poppyfrost can be violent. The major

cause of stress is my name. Though I'm incredibly awesome, why did my mom name me Berrykit? That's a girly name!

Why couldn't I be HeWhoDestroysAllKit? And then Firestar had to name me BerryNOSE. Not Berryclaw, not Berryfang, not

Berryawesomeness! Berrynose! **MY NOSE IS NOT A BERRY! **Oops, I hear Cherrypaw and Molepaw coming. They're always

asking for cookies. I better go hide my Oreos! Bye!

**Ok, if you liked it review. If you didn't like, pretend you did and review nicely. Mwhahahaha! Ahem. Remember, if you are reviewing; Haters keep on hating, Potatoes keep on potating. **


	2. Warrior's kickball

**Ok here is entry number two of his journal. Remember, this is classified information, so only share it with your friends, family, relatives, neighbors, and second cousins. **

Dear Diary,

I am extremely offended. Today we were having a game of Warrior Kickball. It's an extremely violent game, and we go

through about twenty kickball's each time. The two team captains were Poppyfrost and Molepaw. So obviously I was the first

one chosen for a team. NOT! Towards the end there was only Purdy, Daisy, Lilykit, and I. Well Poppyfrost chose Daisy, Molepaw

chose Purdy, and Poppyfrost chose Lilykit! So you would ASSUME that Molepaw would FINALLY choose me, but no. That's

right, he chose the dead squirrel next to me. MY BELOVED WIFE CHOSE THE COCKROACH NEXT TO ME! I swear, if this keeps

up, I'm leaving her for Hazeltail! So after that terrible incident, I decided to go home and TRY to enjoy the rest of my

weekend. But I couldn't. Why? Because LIONBLAZE STOLE ALL MY COOKIES! WHY? WHY ME? I hate Lionblaze. I know you

are probably thinking I'm just jealous of him because he is one of the three, has a prettier girlfriend, is related to Firestar,

and is the son of a famous forbidden love story. Well, I'm not. Why would I, the great Berrynose, be jealous of LIONBLAZE!

Alright, I'm a little jealous. But not for any of the above reasons! It's just… HE GOT A BETTER NAME THAN ME! I AM NOT A

BERRY! HISSSS! Although the Blaze part of the name is a little weird. I think Firestar had fun experimenting for a little

while. I mean, come ON. LionBLAZE, BerryNOSE, HoneyFERN, PoppyFROST, BriarLIGHT, BirchFALL. Have you ever seen a

briar with light? Unless it was on fire… OMG BRIARLIGHT IS GOING TO DIE IN A FIRE IT'S AN OMEN FROM STARCLAN! I

could have been a medicine cat. I see omen's everywhere. Poppyfrost just told me I'm also very modest. I have to agree.

Ow! She slapped me. What do you mean that was sarcasm!

**So ****yes, Berrynose is a insecure, highly sensitive, arrogant kitty. Thats why he's my favorite character. 0-o**

**AND BERRYNOSE LOVES REVIEWS! Hint hint. **


	3. Creamy Cat

**Here is the next chapter. Berrynose is SO self-conscious. **

Dear Diary,

I am getting very annoyed about constantly being described as a " cream-colored tom". I do not like being known as the

creamy cat. It makes me feel like a sissy. I am NOT a sissy, Lionblaze! Who asked you anyways? STOP READING OVER MY

SHOULDER, PEOPLE! Poppyfrost just told me to calm down. She needs to get a hobby. But anyways, diary, I bet your

wondering how my hair stays so luscious and clean, unlike the other scruffy kitties in the clan. Well here's my secret to

success. Lather. Rinse. Repeat. Works every time. Poppyfrost just said I spend more time on my hair than spending time

with her and the kids. Which might be true, but hey, at least my hair doesn't talk and read over my shoulder! Poppyfrost

just told me I'm conceited. I resent that. You know, my brother Mousewhisker is really getting on my nerves. I mean, he's

giving me a bad public image. Because I'm related to him, and he's a weirdo. Seriously. He's named after a grumpy elder, he

is always strangely paired up with a murderer, (Mouse x Holly? Really?) and he's been visiting the Dark Forest! He's ruining

my perfect reputation! Jayfeather just rolled his eyes at me. Hey, how does he know what I'm writing? He's blind! He rolled

his eyes again. Oh I forgot. He can read minds. Well that's not my problem. He can go pout about his lost stick for all I care.

Ouch! You're a medicine cat, not a warrior! Quit clawing me! Ahem. You know, " The Three" are always using their powers

for evil. Seriously Dovewing, I know your using your seeing/hearing powers to read my diary right now. And Lionblaze

always hurts me. Sniffle sniffle. I have a booboo right here on my paw. I mean, I put up a huge fight, and WOULD have

clawed him to shreds, but his invincibilityness made it very hard. Poppyfrost, stop laughing. I did TOO put up a good fight.

Oh great, here comes Lionblaze again. He's a bully! Well, I'm gonna stand up to him. He

can't walk all over me! On second thought, maybe I'll run and hide. Yeah, I like that option better. Ok I'm running now.

Bye!

**What i'm gonna ask you to do next may come as a shock. You hit the review button, then type and rant about how crazy Berrynose is! Awesome right? It's callled " Reviewing". :)**


	4. The Gathering

**Ok Berrynose has an ego the size of an ocean (Perhaps bigger) and a brain the size of a walnut. Not a good combination, exactly...**

Dear Diary,

I am at the Gathering! And Lionblaze isn't! So ha! Truthfully, I think they didn't bring Lionblaze because their afraid of what

he'll do at the Gathering. I mean, his psychotic sister ruined everyone's life at one Gathering by ranting on about the

injustice of it all blah blah blah. And at another, Jayfeather was accused of murder! Their family and Gatherings don't mix

well. They ruin almost EVERY Gathering! Poppyfrost said like how I ruin most karaoke nights. I don't know what she's

talking about. I'm a great singer! Good thing I brought my acoustic guitar! I'm gonna play my favorite song. Justin Beiber

calls it "Baby". OWWW! THAT REALLY HURT! OOPS SORRY ONESTAR! DON'T BE SO TOUCHY! YEAH? WELL WE ALL KNOW

YOU ONLY HAVE ONE WHISKER! YOUR WARRIOR NAME WAS ONEWHISKER, SO THERE! Cricket cricket. Sorry about that.

Poppyfrost smashed the guitar over my head, and I couldn't see, and then I tripped over Willowshine, and then I smashed

into Crowfeather, and then I stumbled into Brackenfur, and then I whammed into Onestar. Onestar is such a grumpy kitty.

Great, now everyone's staring at me. HEY, PINK CAN BE A MANLY COLOR! Sorry, Blackstar was laughing at you, diary. He

doesn't like pink. YEAH? WELL AT LEAST I DON'T HAVE SIX TOES LIKE YOU! He is SO annoying. All right, I'm sneaking out

of here. This Gathering is INCREDIBLY boring. I can be totally sneaky when I want to. Scurry behind this bush. Duck behind

this tree. OUCH I STUBBED MY TOE! Oops, I've been spotted. AHHH! I MUST RUN FOR MY LIFE! GET AWAY FROM ME YOU

RABID ANIMALS! This Gathering is getting better and better. Reedwhisker threw an acorn at my head, and a pack of rabid

squirrels attacked me. Their vicious little creatures. Ouch stop that! Poppyfrost is dragging me home by the ear. AHHH!

DON'T DO THAT TO ME! Poppyfrost just screamed and yelled, look a fox trap! I totally panicked and screamed. (It was a

completely manly scream) But then Poppyfrost laughed and was like, JK! Grrrrr. Hisss. I'm mad. I'm gonna go relax in my

new moss recliner and try to forget this evening. Bye!

**Oh Berrynose. You try so hard, yet fail so COMPLETLEY AND UTTERLY bad. Thank you so much for all the reviews. You all deserve a virtual imaginary pizza. AND TO GET MORE VIRTUAL IMAGINARY PIZZAS, YOU CAN... review. YAY!**


	5. Border Patrol

**Here is Berrynose's incredibly absurd new entry! He has a lot of issues...**

Dear Diary,

I AM SO MAD AND HUMILATED! Sorry. Didn't mean to scare you. BUT IT WAS HORRIBLE. Ok, here's what happened. I was

on border patrol, being completely awesome, when all of a sudden Shadowclan cats were on our side of the territory! So

naturally we attacked, with some real gusto. I was doing awesome, taking down, like, thirty cats at once. But then this big

meanie named Tigerheart came by and was attacking me LIKE A TOTAL NINJA! And then he pinched me very hard. It was

horrible. And Lionblaze laughed at me. And it made me very sad. Sob sob. Anyways. Diary, I just realized something. You're

probably wondering HOW ON EARTH I AM WRITING IN THIS DIARY. I mean, I don't have opposable thumbs. (Darn!) Well

here's your answer. Duck tape. Lots and lots of Duck tape. I'm incredibly excited because tomorrows my birthday, and I

asked for…

* * *

More duck tape

A nicer wife

A better name

A flat screen TV

The new iPhone 4s

New shampoo

World peace.

* * *

So yeah, I better get this all. I mean, I only asked for a couple things! No, I don't think any of them are too big and fancy. I

DESERVE ALL THESE THINGS! Poppyfrost just slapped me. I guess she doesn't like the second thing on the list. But it's

true! She's such a bully. I mean you're a lovely, sweet, caring person dear! Those claws are very threatening. I must go and

make sure everyone bought me a present. Farewell till tomorrow. Mwhahahaha! Sorry, I had to evilly laugh.

**Ha! He is going to be ONE dissapointed kitty tomorrow! Shame on you Berrynose, for being so self obsessed. **


	6. Birthday Boy

**Some of this entry was inspired by a review left by Hawkpath()! Thank you very much Hawkpath, for making Berrynose's life that much more miserable! Mwhahaha! Thank you again. **

Dear Diary,

Today's my BIRTHDAY! YAY ME! However, I refuse to tell you my age. It's personal information. Although everything about

a diary is personal… Good point, myself! I have been showered with presents, but some of them are not exactly what I

wanted. And I'm a little depressed, because a bomb randomly fell from the sky, nearly taking off the remains of my tail. I

asked Jayfeather what it means, and he said it was pretty obvious that Starclan hates me. Poop. But that can't be true,

because Honeyfern loves me! Ow! A piece of paper hit me on the head. It's a letter! It says, " Dear Berrynose. You are a

piece of fox-dung. Love Honeyfern." See! She loves me! Here are the presents I got and liked. From Blackstar, a hot pink

sparkle pen. From Poppyfrost, extra strength duck tape. From Molepaw/Cherrypaw; more Oreo cookies. Here are the

presents I do NOT like. Some mouse bile, from Onestar. A smelly fish, from Mistystar. A tazer used against me, from

Lionblaze. And last but not least, a birthday spanking from Daisy. Well, at least I get some birthday cake now! HAPPY

BIRTHDAY TO YOU! HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO YOU! HAPPY BIRTHDAY DEAR BERRYNOSE! HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO YOU! Ahhh! Murf!

Scuffle. Bleggh! Ewwww! OMG after they stopped singing, Lionblaze shoved my face in my cake, and then there was this

riot to see who could lick up the remains of frosting. At least I still get to taste the cake, because it's all over my face. On

my candle, I wished that everyone in this Clan was as mature, responsible, and awesome like me. So far it hasn't come

true. Poppyfrost just slapped me silly. She isn't being very nice to the birthday boy. She slapped me again. IT'S NOT YOUR

BIRTHDAY ANYWAYS, POPPYFROST! She can be very irritating. I've had enough partying for a while. I'm gonna go enjoy my

Oreos and relax in my den. Till next time, Diary!

**Berrynose sure knows how to party. I would also like to thank Onestar, Mistystar, Lionblaze, and Daisy for keeping Berrynose from having a GREAT time. **


	7. Chapter 7

**Sorry i didn't post yesterday i have school!**

Dear Diary,

I HATE THUNDERCLAN TERRITORY! Nothing personal, Thunderclan. It's just that whenever I leave camp, even just to use

the dirtplace, I get incredibly hurt. Why? BECAUSE THE WHOLE STUPID CAMP IS GUARDED BY BRAMBLES! I understand,

that you know, it's a great defense. BUT HOW DOES DEFENDING THE DIRTPLACE HELP ANYONE! Answer: It doesn't. And

when

I leave to go hunting for the clan, I get huge scratches. AND HUGE SCRATCHES MAKE IT HARD TO CONCENTARTE ON

HUNTING! And after all the defending, you'll notice that many attacks have happened in this camp, and NOT A SINGLE

BRAMBLE HELPS GUARD US! Stupid brambles. OUCH! Brambleclaw was reading over my shoulder (like everybody) and

thought I was talking about him. I DIDN'T SAY BRAMBLECLAW I SAID BRAMBLES. And it doesn't help when I go to

Jayfeather and ask for medicine. All he does is smirks and talks about how chubby I am, and that it's not healthy to be my

weight. HE'S THE ONE LYING AROUND AT CAMP THE WHOLE DAY! Sheesh. When I complained to Poppyfrost about

Jayfeather's mean comment,she just laughed and said so true. Apparently she's against me. That's not the worst part. She

handed me a stack of thank you cards and said I need to send these out by tomorrow. I AM NOT THANKING LIONBLAZE

FOR TAZERING ME! Oh well, I better get writing. _Dear Daisy, thank you for slapping me repeatedly. It's just what I wanted! _

Hmmm. That doesn't sound sincere. Let me try again. _Dear Daisy, thanks for beating me up! It's exactly what I wished for. _

Nope, seems to straight-forward. _Dear Daisy, thanks for the gift! Next time I want someone to slap me silly, I'll tell you! _

Sounds better. Ok I bettergo get a head start on those Thank you notes. Toodles, Diary!

**Ok Berrynose, maybe you shouldn't send them thank you cards...**


	8. Chapter 8

AUTHORS NOTE: SORRY I HAVENT POSTED IN FOREVER I HAVE NO EXCUSES... yes, you read that right. I have no excuses. So why am i still talking, you may ask? Well, i'm not talking. I'm typing. SO HA! MWAHAHAHA!

Dear Diary,

Hunting is stupid. I understand the importance of feeding the clan. But why can't we get a nice Chinese take out box instead?

Squirrels are so furry that you can't even taste the meat, rabbits are stringy, birds are dry and crunchy, and mice taste like

over cooked cabbage. I MEAN REALLY. Why can't we just stop at Burger King and grab a nice cheeseburger? I'm sure the

kits would prefer it more than our prey options. The real reason the other clan's mock Riverclan for eating fish is because we're

jealous of them. I mean, hello, as we're crunching on stringy meat, they're enjoying a nice juicy carp. Even Twolegs eat

fish! Plus, when leaf-bare comes, they still have the river (unless it's frozen, which isn't often. Unless it's really cold.) , And

we're eating THINNER, CRUNCHIER, DRYIER food then ever! It's ridiculous! And my Oreos get all cold and hard! I like them

soft and melty! Lionblaze just called me ugly. YOU'RE FACE IS UGLY LIONBLAZE! Ooooh he's gonna need some dock leaves

for that burn! Hehehehe. He's just mad because his Thank you note said " _Dear Lionblaze, Thank you for zapping me with a _

_hundred volts of electricity! You're a real pal!" _Well that's what he gets for tazering people! I'm really annoyed, because my

dad, Smoky, sent me a late birthday gift. It was a berry in the shape of a nose. He is forever mocking about my name. He's

the one who let Daisy name me that! IT'S HIS ENTIRE FAULT! HOW COULD HE LET A CAT BE NAMED BERRYKIT? THE

INJUSTICE OF IT ALL! He's a mean daddy. OMS (Oh my Starclan) I was complaining to my therapist (Mothwing; I only

requested her because she doesn't blame all my problems on Starclan. She's an atheist) about how Lionblaze always bullies

me, and she said I should face evilness with love. Stupidest thing I've ever heard, but I'll give it a shot. I'm gonna go give

Lionblaze a big hug! Then we will be BFF's for life! TTYL!

AUTHORS NOTE: Something tells me Berrynose is going to have a few bruises next chapter. I would know, i'm the author. It says so right there, on AUTHORS NOTE. I'm scaring myself with my pathetic rambling, so i'm gonna go. AHH EVIL SPACE MONKEYS ATTACKING... ghjknlmvadlf'bkand;blknb'alkbanklb'lk. Random...


	9. Chapter 9

**Hi sorry its been so long! Berrynose has been occupied in the medicine den. He couldn't write for a while. But he's better now! This chapter was inspired by a review left by My name is swansong. Thank you very much, My name is swansong. Wait now it sounds like MY name is swansong. Which it isn't. Hmm. **

Dear Diary,

I am sitting in the medicine cat den. Apparently Lionblaze does not like hugs. He is such a meanie. I am officially firing

Mothwing as my therapist. When she recommended facing violence with love, it was obvious she had never met Lionblaze. It's

just like the saying _nothing is impossible_. Whoever made up that saying has obviously never tried stapling water to a tree. It is quite impossible. I would know. I have tried many times. I am extremely stressed, because today is Poppyfrost's and my

anniversary. I don't know what to get her as an anniversary gift. Oooh! Wait! I have an idea! I could get her an autographed

picture of me! She'll love it! Jayfeather just sighed and said it's gonna be an interesting day today. I don't know what he

means by that. He can be very mean and sarcastic at times. Oh look here comes Poppyfrost! Poppyfrost, I have something

for you! You don't look very excited! Oh well, here's your gift! OUWCH THAT HURT! STOP HITTING ME WITH THE PICTURE

REPEATEDLY! Fine, what did you get me? OOH GOODY! COUPONS SAYING YOU WON'T SLAP ME FOR A WHOLE DAY! CAN I

CASH ONE IN NOW? What do you mean they've expired? WELL HAPPY ANNIVERSARY TO YOU TO! Hiss. We have a very

complicated relationship. I guess she's never heard of " It's the thought that counts!" Humph! Well fine, she can be a

grouch! I'm going to enjoy my life! Maybe I'll go for a jog through the forest, spend time with the kids, help out the stray

cats… Yeah, I'm gonna start to help others! Starting now! Or maybe later. Yeah, maybe I'll wait till after this episode of

Glee. I mean, the new season has just started recently, and already the drama is unfolding! The producers really know

what they're doing! I think. Maybe I can enjoy my life by just watching TV? It's worth a shot. All right I'm gonna go get a

pack of Oreos and watch the new episode! Farewell, diary!

**Hmm Berrynose has issues. He shouldn't have fired Mothwing. **


	10. Chapter 10

**Ok, here is Berrynose's next pathetic round of rambling. I wonder cats can get sugar highs...**

Dear Diary,

I am in the medicine cat den again. There was an…_ incident _yesterday. I don't want to talk about, but lets just say it

evolved an ostrich, a trapeze artist, some dark forest cats, and 1,248 flying mice. Needless to say thousands were injured,

with a few casualties. BUT I DIDN'T DO IT ON PURPOSE! IT WAS PROVOKED! Due to the sudden stress in my life, I have

rehired Mothwing as my therapist. Here is a written transcript of the following conversation that took place between us:

**Mothwing: **So Berrynose, I'm going to ask you a few questions that might unravel the mysteries of your life.

**Berrynose: **Ok…

**Mothwing: **Ok, here we go. Do you ever feel, like a plastic bag?

**Berrynose: **No…

**Mothwing: **Drifting through the wind, wanting to start again?

**Berrynose: **What? That doesn't even-

**Mothwing: **Do you ever feel, feel so paper-thin

**Berrynose:** Wha-?

**Mothwing: **Like a house of cards, one blow from caving in?

**Berrynose: **I'M NOT A HOUSE OF CARDS! STOP-

**Mothwing: **Do you ever feel, already buried deep?

**Berrynose: **You're gonna be buried deep if you don't-

**Mothwing: **6 feet under screams but no one seems to hear a thing

**Berrynose: **ARE YOU MOCKING ME?

**Mothwing: **Did you know that there's, still a chance for you

**Berrynose: **WHAT DO YOU MEAN A** CHANCE **FOR YOU?

**Mothwing: **Cause there's a spark in you.

**Berrynose: **ARE YOU CALLING ME A SPARKLY VAMPIRE? I'M NOT EDWARD CULLEN!

(End of transcript)

I refuse to let Mothwing listen to Katy Perry again. I only hired her in the first place cause she has such cute little business cards! They have a little cheeseburgers next to her name!Alright i have to concentrate on relaxing, so i can get better and be even awesomer than i am now!

**Apparently cats CAN get sugar highs! Berrynose just proved that! And he has also apparently read the Twilight series. Since i'm feeling INCREDIBLY generous, all my reviewers recieve imaginary pizza's!**


	11. Chapter 11

**Sorry it's been so long, but here's the next chapter! I forgot the disclaimer, so here it is. Ahem.** **DISCLAIMER: I do not own warriors if you think i did you have obviously not read warriors in which case you should be asking yourself what your doing on this site. My advice? Read warriors and come back. :)**

Dear Diary,

. Ok, calm down myself. In case you didn't get that first sentence, it says _oh _

_my starclan this is absolutely horrible. _Deep breathes. Inhale. Exhale. Inhale. Exhale- Oh who am I kidding this is a disaster! I

was walking on the Thunderclan border minding my own business and was randomly abducted by Riverclan! AND NOW

THEY ARE HOLDING ME FOR RANSOM! But that's not the worst part. The ransom is… ALL OF MY OREO COOKIES! WHY?

ANYTHING BUT THE COOKIES! TAKE POPPYFROST INSTEAD! Oops, I hope she doesn't read that. I know what I'll do! I'll talk

to Mothwing! She's my therapist; she can straighten this out with the leader! The leader would have to listen to her; she's

the medicine cat! Hold on I'll be right back.

* * *

MEANIE! She said that they were doing Thunderclan a favor by taking me off their paws! Hiss! Wait, what's this? They're

letting me go? Why? WHAT DO YOU MEAN THUNDERCLAN WON'T PAY THE RANSOM? I'M THE BEST WARRIOR THEY HAVE!

THIS IS AN OUTRAGE! Ouch. They quite literally kicked me out of their camp. Sigh. I guess I'll head back to camp. I can't

believe POPPYFROST didn't even pay the ransom! I mean come on! If she was abducted by Riverclan, I would pay the

ransom … probably… Ok fine maybe I wouldn't! But that doesn't give her the right to not pay the ransom for ME! I mean, I

am Berrynose the great! ALL MUST OBEY ME! Except for Bramblestar, Blackstar, Mistystar, and Onestar. And every cat in the

clan except apprentices. Hmmm. Maybe I'm not QUITE so powerful. I must go ponder on the meaning of life. TTFN. (ta ta

for now, incase you do not speak text)


	12. Chapter 12

A/N: Sorry its been so long. I am officially out of excuses. Oh, wait i'm not! I was too lazy! That wasn't a good excuse...

Dear Diary,

I have three kinds of news. Good news, bad news, and plain news. Yes, a lot of stuff can happen over an extended period of

time. Ok, I'll start with the Good news. The good news is, I discovered the meaning of life. The Bad news? I forgot to write it

down. The plain news? I BOUGHT AN iPhone! It sounds like good news, but its actually just plain because a crazy voice from

Starclan on it keeps back talking me. I asked it what a weasel looked like in a cute little voice, and all it replied was " I don't

know what _what does a weasel look like_ means." I don't think it understands cat talk very well. I have been downloading

tons of songs since I got this, and now I have theme songs for every cat in the clans. For instance, every time I pass

Crowfeather on a patrol, I play the song womanizer, by Britney Spears! And for Poppyfrost, I play Blah Blah Blah by Keisha,

because all she ever does is nag me! She slapped me because of that. And for me? Do you even have to ask? Obviously I

play I'm sexy and I know it by LMFAO. _When I walk in the room, yeah this is what I see. Everyone stops and their staring at _

_me. I've got passion in my PAWS and I'm not afraid to show it show it show it. I'm sexy and I know it-_AHHHHHHHH!

POPPYFROST THREW MY IPHONE INTO THE LAKE! WHY? WHHHHHHHHYYYYYYY? TAKE ME INSTEAD! WAIT NO, STOP I

DIDN'T MEAN THAT! AHHH! Gurgle gurgle blub blub. She is SO mean. I hope she knows she's paying for that. Poppyfrost

just pointed out that we share our salary, so my money is her money. Poop. Wait, how do we make money anyways? We're

cats. Poppyfrost just laughed and said exactly. What does she mean by that? I'm not sure I want to know… ouch. My brain

hurts from thinking. I don't like to think very often, it's too hard. Poppyfrost says it's obvious I don't like to think. She's

mean.

A/N: Technically, i gave credit to those songs, but here it is again. Sexy and I know it, by LMFAO. Womanizer, by Britney Spears. And Blah Blah Blah by Keisha. And BTW, the crazy voice from Starclan was Siri on the iPhone!


	13. Chapter 13

**Sorry it's been so long, Berrynose has been... hibernating! Here is the next chapter!**

Dear Diary,

I REMEMBERED THE MEANING OF LIFE! HOLD ON TO YOUR HATS, CHAIRS, LAPTOPS, AND MID-SIZED DONKEYS, CAUSE

THIS WILL BLOW YOU AWAY! DRUM ROLL PLEASE… (Cricket cricket) or not… Ok! The meaning of life is… ME! AS IN

BERRYNOSE! BECAUSE WHAT WOULD LIFE BE WITHOUT ME? Poppyfrost just said it would be relaxing. She's just jealous

she's not the meaning of life. It took me about 5 minutes to realize that the meaning of life was me. I mean, it's SO obvious!

How come scientists haven't thought of it before? Maybe they've never heard of me. Or maybe they confused me with a

berry. I hate my name. Speaking of which, Squirrelflight and I got in an argument over whose name is stupider. I told her

her's is stupider because squirrels don't fly. But then she said theirs this thing called a "flying squirrel." I bet her 5 mice on

it, so now Brackenfur is Googling it. And the results are… NO! YOU LIE! COMPUTERS AREN'T ALWAYS RIGHT! CHEATER! I

REFUSE TO PAY UP! SO? I DIDN'T SWEAR ON STARCLAN! I CROSSED MY CLAWS BEHIND MY BACK! SO THERE!

Squirrelflight's an evil kitty. And Brackenfur must have typed in the name wrong. Obviously. I'm going to go on Pawbook!

(Facebook, cat version) Ooooh goody! Somebody added me as a friend! I now have a grand total of 2 friends! Yay! My two

friends are my mom Daisy, and that creepy cat called Sol! I'm so popular! SHUT UP LIONBLAZE! JUST CAUSE YOU HAVE

314,567,892 FRIENDS DOESN'T MAKE YOU BETTER THAN ME IN ANY WAY! AND I DON'T LIKE YOUR NEW HAIRCUT, IT

MAKES YOU LOOK LIKE A POODLE! Shhhhh. Remain calm, myself. Lionblaze is hunting me down. Oh no, what if he can

smell fear? WILL HE KILL ME? I MUST GO FAR, FAR AWAY! Or maybe I'll just wait until he forgets. Farewell for now!

**Well. Thats all i can say. Review, and you get a Berrynose plushie! Who wouldn't want that?**


End file.
